I've had bloggers block for the last little while. What is that you ask? Well first of all I appreciate how you raised you hand and second its similar to writers block but totally different.
You see when you have bloggers block that's all you can think about. You try and do something to occupy your self to take you mind off of it. Doesn't work. Soon you are just wandering around. You go from one room to the other just hoping to find something. You know, something you might have dropped or that is stashed somewhere. You always have this empty feeling in your stomach and it tends to make a lot of loud whale like noises. Usually at very inopportune times, like church or a whale watching trip. You tend to be very cranky if you do not blog every couple of hours. People start to say "man what is wrong with Tom? Oh he hasn't blogged for a while, don't mind him" Wait, wait, never mind. This is how I feel when I am hungry. My bad
The truth is I am just lazy, and I have carpel tunnel. But I will try harder to blog more often. I just have a lot to live up to. I mean shoot, I gots readers across the pond. Its gone global, that's pressure.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
arrrgh matey
Went to a bar last night for kareoke. Met a real life pirate. He challenged me to sing Right Said Fred - I'm too sexy. Kept refering to Rob as "the cute one." Said he didn't know Captain Sparrow. Drunk Pirates are awesome!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
EFF YOU BEAVER!
That's right, I said it. Don't think that I am not on to your little plan. Sure you look all innocent and stuff while you a lazily swimming and diving under water while several people stop riding their bikes to watch you "play." But they are too busy oohing and ahing to realize the "busy beaver" behind them stealing their wallets and slipping their kids candy effectively ruining their dinner. That's just wrong man, so wrong. Don't you have anything better to do with your life? You gotta strive for something. Look at the beavers back in the 80's when they had that evil plan to chew through all the power poles in the U.S. to force us to rely on all the damns they had built for our hydro-electric power. Sure it was evil and wrong but at least they had some ambition man. So don't waste your time with petty theft, come up with something big and really stick it to us.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Its not all good, and its not all bad
I don't really blog about serious stuff very.....well ever. But since as of this week I have moved past being funny and am now smart(according to Marion and Vickie) I will blog about something serious.
While I have been at work today I have spent most of the time on YouTube watching videos of The Eels. This includes a documentary about E's father who came up with the theory of parallel universes. You would imagine an hour long video about parallel universes and quantum mechanics would be boring but this thing blew me away. Not for those aforementioned things but watching this grown man learn more about his father that he never really got to know. It was quite touching if I can use that word and not sound too gay. This guy has been through so much, from finding his father dead at age 19(which I don't want to even imagine how horrible that would be) to his sisters suicide and his mothers death shortly after. He even had a cousin die during the Sept 11th attacks. Just one thing after another but through all that he seems to some how remain upbeat and continues on with his life. He says "All these deaths made me notice that I was still alive......I've been through a lot but I'm OK. And if I want to be I'm better than OK. I mean -- I survived. And I survived just by being me. How lucky and amazing is that?" There isn't much you can add to that. I'm not one that gets down on my self often but inevitably it will happen, and it usually occurs when I am not being true to my self. And everything goes back to normal when I am myself. Now I'm not saying that I put my self first and neglect everyone else cause that isn't me, just saying you got to do what it is that makes you, well you. This looks like it has helped E through some rough times so I think its not too bad of an idea to live by. I'm also not one to let my personal feelings out like this but since I figure that its only my closest friends that read this I'm fine with it. Just don't get used to it cause it won't happen again for a long time, I think its about on the same cycle as Haley's comet, once every 76 years or so.
On a related note I've noticed that the two bands that I listen most often lately are The Eels and The Beatles. Not coincidentally these two bands are ones that I have spent a lot of time recently learning a lot about their personal lives and the background of their music. This has happened in the past with the likes of Weezer and The Format. Music just is better to me when it comes on a more personal level I guess.
Anyways checkout this video. Its an Eels song put to clips from this documentary. Its really good. And I'll be back soon with something funny. I promise.
While I have been at work today I have spent most of the time on YouTube watching videos of The Eels. This includes a documentary about E's father who came up with the theory of parallel universes. You would imagine an hour long video about parallel universes and quantum mechanics would be boring but this thing blew me away. Not for those aforementioned things but watching this grown man learn more about his father that he never really got to know. It was quite touching if I can use that word and not sound too gay. This guy has been through so much, from finding his father dead at age 19(which I don't want to even imagine how horrible that would be) to his sisters suicide and his mothers death shortly after. He even had a cousin die during the Sept 11th attacks. Just one thing after another but through all that he seems to some how remain upbeat and continues on with his life. He says "All these deaths made me notice that I was still alive......I've been through a lot but I'm OK. And if I want to be I'm better than OK. I mean -- I survived. And I survived just by being me. How lucky and amazing is that?" There isn't much you can add to that. I'm not one that gets down on my self often but inevitably it will happen, and it usually occurs when I am not being true to my self. And everything goes back to normal when I am myself. Now I'm not saying that I put my self first and neglect everyone else cause that isn't me, just saying you got to do what it is that makes you, well you. This looks like it has helped E through some rough times so I think its not too bad of an idea to live by. I'm also not one to let my personal feelings out like this but since I figure that its only my closest friends that read this I'm fine with it. Just don't get used to it cause it won't happen again for a long time, I think its about on the same cycle as Haley's comet, once every 76 years or so.
On a related note I've noticed that the two bands that I listen most often lately are The Eels and The Beatles. Not coincidentally these two bands are ones that I have spent a lot of time recently learning a lot about their personal lives and the background of their music. This has happened in the past with the likes of Weezer and The Format. Music just is better to me when it comes on a more personal level I guess.
Anyways checkout this video. Its an Eels song put to clips from this documentary. Its really good. And I'll be back soon with something funny. I promise.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Lazy Scranton
Laziness (also called indolence) is a disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so. This is bad, right? Wrong. Okay, calm down there Mom. I know that I won't get anywhere in life with that attitude......or will I?
So here is the deal, or the rundown as I like to put it, or the skinny as they sometimes say. We have all been told our whole lives that being lazy is bad. But I don't think that is entirely true. Its like having that one cookie an hour before dinner is really going to ruin our appeitite. Its a parental myth. Now don't get me wrong, some forms of laziness are bad(see Zach while beating DK II). But honestly I think laziness breeds ingenuity(its a real word katelyn and nadia, check it). How so you ask? Here are some examples: Alexander Graham Bell, this dude was was the epitome of lazy. He was like "ugh, I need to talk to ol' blacksmith Bill but I don't want to walk the 50 paces to get there, I wish there was a way I could just......call him? Brilliant idea old chap!" Boom, telephone right there. Henry Ford, this guy was always complaining about "having to put all these parts on the car by my self, I just wish there were 50 of us standing in a line and we each put one part on over and over and over" Bam, assembly line. Oh, don't even get me started on Niel "I love to jump but earth's gravity is just way to strong for me to actually enjoy it" Armstrong. Ya, thats right, space flight came from that lazy A-hole.
So as you can see three of the biggest inventions/events in the last 150 years came from three really lazy people. They are remember by us for these contributions, but if you told any of their co-workers at the time they would have done these things they would have said "Who? That lazy bastard?" So don't be too quick to judge, that lazy person just might be working on the next great thing while sitting there doing nothing. And thats just another lazy and possible great life in the day of Thome.
So here is the deal, or the rundown as I like to put it, or the skinny as they sometimes say. We have all been told our whole lives that being lazy is bad. But I don't think that is entirely true. Its like having that one cookie an hour before dinner is really going to ruin our appeitite. Its a parental myth. Now don't get me wrong, some forms of laziness are bad(see Zach while beating DK II). But honestly I think laziness breeds ingenuity(its a real word katelyn and nadia, check it). How so you ask? Here are some examples: Alexander Graham Bell, this dude was was the epitome of lazy. He was like "ugh, I need to talk to ol' blacksmith Bill but I don't want to walk the 50 paces to get there, I wish there was a way I could just......call him? Brilliant idea old chap!" Boom, telephone right there. Henry Ford, this guy was always complaining about "having to put all these parts on the car by my self, I just wish there were 50 of us standing in a line and we each put one part on over and over and over" Bam, assembly line. Oh, don't even get me started on Niel "I love to jump but earth's gravity is just way to strong for me to actually enjoy it" Armstrong. Ya, thats right, space flight came from that lazy A-hole.
So as you can see three of the biggest inventions/events in the last 150 years came from three really lazy people. They are remember by us for these contributions, but if you told any of their co-workers at the time they would have done these things they would have said "Who? That lazy bastard?" So don't be too quick to judge, that lazy person just might be working on the next great thing while sitting there doing nothing. And thats just another lazy and possible great life in the day of Thome.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Calender days
So we've all done it. And by it I mean read our horoscopes. It s a fun little paragraph that at end of reading it we all either say "hey, that describes me perfectly" or say "whoops, I just read the wrong month." While they are fun and all I think it should be taken a step further, and by a step further I mean add more letters to it to get your monthly HORRORSCOPE!
12/22 - 1/19: You decide to sit by a nice toasty fire and read a nice toasty book about toast. The perfect evening you think. It is, until a nice toasty ember sparks out of the fireplace and sets the living room on fire. Now you are having second thoughts about decking the halls with those flammable boughs of holly aren't you.
1/20 -2/18: Ah Febtober, the month of love. Don't you just wish it never had to end, well it won't this year since you are locked up in the county jail after your "girlfriend" convinced you to go streaking with her and that she would be "right behind" you. While you couldn't outrun the cops lets hope you can at least outrun your new friend Bubba.
2/19 - 3/20 March Madness, nope. More like Shear Madness, a play set in a unisex hair salon in Boston. The characters include a flamboyant hairdresser and his flirty yet ditsy assistant, along with a prim and proper uptight older lady and an older man who is a "used antique dealer." Gives me the Kelsey Grammars just thinking about it.
3/21 - 4/19: You go into work one morning and your boss calls you into his office and tells you that you're fired. As you sit there in shock you realize today is April 2nd, and since your boss likes practical jokes you figure he is just pulling an April fools joke a day late. After 45 minutes of you saying "hahahha nice one Chuck" while elbowing your boss in the ribs you are removed by security.
4/20 - 5/20: You've had the effin munchies for 2 weeks now and its not from the medicinal marijuana. I hate to break it to you like this but.....you're pregnant.
5/21 - 6/21 : You don't want to know the horrors of forgetting my birthday. Its May 26th you lousy friend, now go buy me a gift!
6/22 - 7/22: While lighting fireworks you somehow light your shorts on fire. Later, while lying in a hospital bed severely burned you think about how your friends not only forgot your birthday but also stood around saluting your shorts and singing "my country tis of thee" while you ran around wildly trying to extinguish your self. You need better friends.
7/23 - 8/22: After being released from the burn ward you decide to lay by the pool and relax. Safe enough right? Well you fall asleep for 6 hours and awake to the rest of you body being severely sunburned and then noticing that some one wrote "(insert name) SUX" in sunscreen. once again, you need better friends.
8/23 - 9/22: Fully recovered from all your burns you decide to head down the the county fair and have some good ol fashioned fun. You decide to get some cotton candy, while there the machine malfunctions and somehow you end up covered in cotton candy. You spend the rest of the day being chased by carnies. They are everywhere, with their little hands grabbing you and and the stench of cabbage overwhelming.
9/23 -10/22: The wonderful smell of fresh air, the birds singing as a gentle breeze slowly moves through the trees as gunshots ring out around you. This really is the perfect day to be outside in the woods except for that it is the first day of hunting season and you are playing your favorite childhood game called deer. You know the one where you spend the day dressed up as a deer. Lets just hope you don't end up like poor uncle mike. He shouldn't have jumped out at that hunter while playing bear.
10/23 - 11/21: While helping clean up after the local spook alley you notice they are just going to throw away the spaghetti they used as brains. You can't have that! After consuming all the brains you don't feel to good. I think that one is going to haunt you for several days.
11/22 - 12/21: After watching Jim Carrey do his version of the Grinch you think hey that's not a bad idea. Well it was. You get busted after the second house that you stole all the toys from and now you get to spend the holidays with your ol' pal Bubba.
12/22 - 1/19: You decide to sit by a nice toasty fire and read a nice toasty book about toast. The perfect evening you think. It is, until a nice toasty ember sparks out of the fireplace and sets the living room on fire. Now you are having second thoughts about decking the halls with those flammable boughs of holly aren't you.
1/20 -2/18: Ah Febtober, the month of love. Don't you just wish it never had to end, well it won't this year since you are locked up in the county jail after your "girlfriend" convinced you to go streaking with her and that she would be "right behind" you. While you couldn't outrun the cops lets hope you can at least outrun your new friend Bubba.
2/19 - 3/20 March Madness, nope. More like Shear Madness, a play set in a unisex hair salon in Boston. The characters include a flamboyant hairdresser and his flirty yet ditsy assistant, along with a prim and proper uptight older lady and an older man who is a "used antique dealer." Gives me the Kelsey Grammars just thinking about it.
3/21 - 4/19: You go into work one morning and your boss calls you into his office and tells you that you're fired. As you sit there in shock you realize today is April 2nd, and since your boss likes practical jokes you figure he is just pulling an April fools joke a day late. After 45 minutes of you saying "hahahha nice one Chuck" while elbowing your boss in the ribs you are removed by security.
4/20 - 5/20: You've had the effin munchies for 2 weeks now and its not from the medicinal marijuana. I hate to break it to you like this but.....you're pregnant.
5/21 - 6/21 : You don't want to know the horrors of forgetting my birthday. Its May 26th you lousy friend, now go buy me a gift!
6/22 - 7/22: While lighting fireworks you somehow light your shorts on fire. Later, while lying in a hospital bed severely burned you think about how your friends not only forgot your birthday but also stood around saluting your shorts and singing "my country tis of thee" while you ran around wildly trying to extinguish your self. You need better friends.
7/23 - 8/22: After being released from the burn ward you decide to lay by the pool and relax. Safe enough right? Well you fall asleep for 6 hours and awake to the rest of you body being severely sunburned and then noticing that some one wrote "(insert name) SUX" in sunscreen. once again, you need better friends.
8/23 - 9/22: Fully recovered from all your burns you decide to head down the the county fair and have some good ol fashioned fun. You decide to get some cotton candy, while there the machine malfunctions and somehow you end up covered in cotton candy. You spend the rest of the day being chased by carnies. They are everywhere, with their little hands grabbing you and and the stench of cabbage overwhelming.
9/23 -10/22: The wonderful smell of fresh air, the birds singing as a gentle breeze slowly moves through the trees as gunshots ring out around you. This really is the perfect day to be outside in the woods except for that it is the first day of hunting season and you are playing your favorite childhood game called deer. You know the one where you spend the day dressed up as a deer. Lets just hope you don't end up like poor uncle mike. He shouldn't have jumped out at that hunter while playing bear.
10/23 - 11/21: While helping clean up after the local spook alley you notice they are just going to throw away the spaghetti they used as brains. You can't have that! After consuming all the brains you don't feel to good. I think that one is going to haunt you for several days.
11/22 - 12/21: After watching Jim Carrey do his version of the Grinch you think hey that's not a bad idea. Well it was. You get busted after the second house that you stole all the toys from and now you get to spend the holidays with your ol' pal Bubba.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Hot Shots Part Duex
Interactive Tuesday is back! um, on Monday though. Well today's poll is who is funnier? English Tom Widdison or American Tom Widdison. I will give you some examples from facebook. Please vote.
In this Corner, in the blue trunks, weighing in at 190 pounds, ENLGISH TOM WIDDISON!
Tom Widdison Is going to buy one of those big anvils made by ACME and wait at the top of a cliff to drop it on someones head
Tom Widdison Is fookin tired
Tom Widdison Take 2 bottles into the shower?? not me I use 1 and I've washed and gone!!!!
Tom Widdison Wishes the insulin boy would shut his fookin grid
Tom Widdison Had a dream last night that England were winning 2.0 with 80 mins on the clock but then the dream switched to fluffy poodles
Tom Widdison Will never get bored of laughing at cars driving with dogs sticking out the window...
Tom Widdison Is in bed with jon wilson fully clothed listening to stevie wonder
Tom Widdison Is wondering why the resident diabetic has the tv on so loud?
Tom Widdison Is in the bath Naked
And in the other corner, in the red trunks, weighing in at 150 pounds wet, the prince of pain, the ale of destruction, AMERICAN TOOOOOOM WIDDISON!
well, uh. you know...... um COME ON! Give me the benefit of the doubt, you know me! I'M FUNNY!
In this Corner, in the blue trunks, weighing in at 190 pounds, ENLGISH TOM WIDDISON!
Tom Widdison Is going to buy one of those big anvils made by ACME and wait at the top of a cliff to drop it on someones head
Tom Widdison Is fookin tired
Tom Widdison Take 2 bottles into the shower?? not me I use 1 and I've washed and gone!!!!
Tom Widdison Wishes the insulin boy would shut his fookin grid
Tom Widdison Had a dream last night that England were winning 2.0 with 80 mins on the clock but then the dream switched to fluffy poodles
Tom Widdison Will never get bored of laughing at cars driving with dogs sticking out the window...
Tom Widdison Is in bed with jon wilson fully clothed listening to stevie wonder
Tom Widdison Is wondering why the resident diabetic has the tv on so loud?
Tom Widdison Is in the bath Naked
And in the other corner, in the red trunks, weighing in at 150 pounds wet, the prince of pain, the ale of destruction, AMERICAN TOOOOOOM WIDDISON!
well, uh. you know...... um COME ON! Give me the benefit of the doubt, you know me! I'M FUNNY!
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