Do you smell that? That's the smell of football season being right around the corner. Or it could be that I haven't showered yet today but really they smell about the same anyways so what does it matter. Alot of you are thinking "ya 7 week break! OMG!" well you are wrong, its a 7 week count down until the first week of the season. And it defiantly isn't a break. Shoot, training camps open up next week, then you have preseason games, roster cuts and of course close ups of Tom Brady's knee. So please there is no need to cry for me Marge and Tina this 7 week break. For I will have football to be my constant companion. In fact I might not even know you were gone.............PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND DECENT, DON'T LEAVE ME! I HATE FOOTBALL! I SWEAR, IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME! PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING!
ahem, sorry about that my phone always picks up the neighbors calls and they are always fighting about something. Married people, what are you going to do? Can't live with them, can't live next to them.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Bat out of hell part IV
A wise dinner entree once said "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that" I've always wondered what that one thing was that he wouldn't do for love and it made me want to make a list of things I would and would not do. I figure Meatloaf and I have a lot in common so I'm sure that this list will be close to his.
1. Will do - Eat meatloaf. Even if her cooking is not that good I'm sure I have had worse, so why not down it in the name of love.
2 Won't do - Eat Meatloaf. That's cannibalism brotha! Not to mention its wrong in so many ways.
3 Will do/won't do - Walk 500 miles. This one is a toss up. First why are we walking 500 miles? Is it for charity? Are there no more cars? Are we doing one of those pioneer treks? Will there be treats? I would have to say walk 500 miles is a won't do. Drive 500 miles, totally down.
4. Will do - Watch a chick flick. I could do this one in my sleep. But seriously I have learned how to sleep with my eyes open so I would just sleep through the whole movie.
5. Will do - Go shopping. But there is a time limit on this. 2 hours tops! And I can't stress this enough, you must keep me well fed or else suffer the consequences.
6. Won't do - Write you a love song. Not even if you ask for one or if you need one. I just won't write you a love song.
7. Won't do - Anything during the game.... any game.
Actually this video pretty much sums it all up.
1. Will do - Eat meatloaf. Even if her cooking is not that good I'm sure I have had worse, so why not down it in the name of love.
2 Won't do - Eat Meatloaf. That's cannibalism brotha! Not to mention its wrong in so many ways.
3 Will do/won't do - Walk 500 miles. This one is a toss up. First why are we walking 500 miles? Is it for charity? Are there no more cars? Are we doing one of those pioneer treks? Will there be treats? I would have to say walk 500 miles is a won't do. Drive 500 miles, totally down.
4. Will do - Watch a chick flick. I could do this one in my sleep. But seriously I have learned how to sleep with my eyes open so I would just sleep through the whole movie.
5. Will do - Go shopping. But there is a time limit on this. 2 hours tops! And I can't stress this enough, you must keep me well fed or else suffer the consequences.
6. Won't do - Write you a love song. Not even if you ask for one or if you need one. I just won't write you a love song.
7. Won't do - Anything during the game.... any game.
Actually this video pretty much sums it all up.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Bear Market
Well guys, I hate to do this but this is going to be another serious post. I know, I know that's not what you come here for but I just feel that this is an important topic. One that I need to bring up. Bear safety.
Bear safety? you ask. But why? Well because there is nothing worse than running into one of these godless killing machines in the backwoods. You might call this the summer season but I call it killing season. Every year these things maim and murder hundreds of innocent tax payers. Sure you can say that this doesn't effect you but let me relate this story and we'll see how you feel afterwards.
In the summer of 2003 two hikers from the Czech Republic were on vacation here in the states. They were backpacking in Yellowstone National Park having the time of their lives. Until disaster struck. They bumped into a bear and it took more than their pic-i-nic basket if you know what I mean. One hiker was able to escape but the other wasn't so lucky. The escapee made it to a rangers station and told them what had happened. The rangers were able to locate the bear and eliminated it. Afterward they recovered the remains of the other hiker from the bear. Distraught by all this the surviving hiker was lamenting about how to get his dear friend home for a proper burial. A ranger overhearing this whispered to the coroner "I feel so bad, what are we going to do?"." "Don't worry" said the coroner, "we have already taken care of it......the Czech is in the mail."
Bear safety? you ask. But why? Well because there is nothing worse than running into one of these godless killing machines in the backwoods. You might call this the summer season but I call it killing season. Every year these things maim and murder hundreds of innocent tax payers. Sure you can say that this doesn't effect you but let me relate this story and we'll see how you feel afterwards.
In the summer of 2003 two hikers from the Czech Republic were on vacation here in the states. They were backpacking in Yellowstone National Park having the time of their lives. Until disaster struck. They bumped into a bear and it took more than their pic-i-nic basket if you know what I mean. One hiker was able to escape but the other wasn't so lucky. The escapee made it to a rangers station and told them what had happened. The rangers were able to locate the bear and eliminated it. Afterward they recovered the remains of the other hiker from the bear. Distraught by all this the surviving hiker was lamenting about how to get his dear friend home for a proper burial. A ranger overhearing this whispered to the coroner "I feel so bad, what are we going to do?"." "Don't worry" said the coroner, "we have already taken care of it......the Czech is in the mail."
Monday, June 15, 2009
Illegal Blog Block in the Back, 15 yard penalty, First Down
I've had bloggers block for the last little while. What is that you ask? Well first of all I appreciate how you raised you hand and second its similar to writers block but totally different.
You see when you have bloggers block that's all you can think about. You try and do something to occupy your self to take you mind off of it. Doesn't work. Soon you are just wandering around. You go from one room to the other just hoping to find something. You know, something you might have dropped or that is stashed somewhere. You always have this empty feeling in your stomach and it tends to make a lot of loud whale like noises. Usually at very inopportune times, like church or a whale watching trip. You tend to be very cranky if you do not blog every couple of hours. People start to say "man what is wrong with Tom? Oh he hasn't blogged for a while, don't mind him" Wait, wait, never mind. This is how I feel when I am hungry. My bad
The truth is I am just lazy, and I have carpel tunnel. But I will try harder to blog more often. I just have a lot to live up to. I mean shoot, I gots readers across the pond. Its gone global, that's pressure.
You see when you have bloggers block that's all you can think about. You try and do something to occupy your self to take you mind off of it. Doesn't work. Soon you are just wandering around. You go from one room to the other just hoping to find something. You know, something you might have dropped or that is stashed somewhere. You always have this empty feeling in your stomach and it tends to make a lot of loud whale like noises. Usually at very inopportune times, like church or a whale watching trip. You tend to be very cranky if you do not blog every couple of hours. People start to say "man what is wrong with Tom? Oh he hasn't blogged for a while, don't mind him" Wait, wait, never mind. This is how I feel when I am hungry. My bad
The truth is I am just lazy, and I have carpel tunnel. But I will try harder to blog more often. I just have a lot to live up to. I mean shoot, I gots readers across the pond. Its gone global, that's pressure.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
arrrgh matey
Went to a bar last night for kareoke. Met a real life pirate. He challenged me to sing Right Said Fred - I'm too sexy. Kept refering to Rob as "the cute one." Said he didn't know Captain Sparrow. Drunk Pirates are awesome!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
EFF YOU BEAVER!
That's right, I said it. Don't think that I am not on to your little plan. Sure you look all innocent and stuff while you a lazily swimming and diving under water while several people stop riding their bikes to watch you "play." But they are too busy oohing and ahing to realize the "busy beaver" behind them stealing their wallets and slipping their kids candy effectively ruining their dinner. That's just wrong man, so wrong. Don't you have anything better to do with your life? You gotta strive for something. Look at the beavers back in the 80's when they had that evil plan to chew through all the power poles in the U.S. to force us to rely on all the damns they had built for our hydro-electric power. Sure it was evil and wrong but at least they had some ambition man. So don't waste your time with petty theft, come up with something big and really stick it to us.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Its not all good, and its not all bad
I don't really blog about serious stuff very.....well ever. But since as of this week I have moved past being funny and am now smart(according to Marion and Vickie) I will blog about something serious.
While I have been at work today I have spent most of the time on YouTube watching videos of The Eels. This includes a documentary about E's father who came up with the theory of parallel universes. You would imagine an hour long video about parallel universes and quantum mechanics would be boring but this thing blew me away. Not for those aforementioned things but watching this grown man learn more about his father that he never really got to know. It was quite touching if I can use that word and not sound too gay. This guy has been through so much, from finding his father dead at age 19(which I don't want to even imagine how horrible that would be) to his sisters suicide and his mothers death shortly after. He even had a cousin die during the Sept 11th attacks. Just one thing after another but through all that he seems to some how remain upbeat and continues on with his life. He says "All these deaths made me notice that I was still alive......I've been through a lot but I'm OK. And if I want to be I'm better than OK. I mean -- I survived. And I survived just by being me. How lucky and amazing is that?" There isn't much you can add to that. I'm not one that gets down on my self often but inevitably it will happen, and it usually occurs when I am not being true to my self. And everything goes back to normal when I am myself. Now I'm not saying that I put my self first and neglect everyone else cause that isn't me, just saying you got to do what it is that makes you, well you. This looks like it has helped E through some rough times so I think its not too bad of an idea to live by. I'm also not one to let my personal feelings out like this but since I figure that its only my closest friends that read this I'm fine with it. Just don't get used to it cause it won't happen again for a long time, I think its about on the same cycle as Haley's comet, once every 76 years or so.
On a related note I've noticed that the two bands that I listen most often lately are The Eels and The Beatles. Not coincidentally these two bands are ones that I have spent a lot of time recently learning a lot about their personal lives and the background of their music. This has happened in the past with the likes of Weezer and The Format. Music just is better to me when it comes on a more personal level I guess.
Anyways checkout this video. Its an Eels song put to clips from this documentary. Its really good. And I'll be back soon with something funny. I promise.
While I have been at work today I have spent most of the time on YouTube watching videos of The Eels. This includes a documentary about E's father who came up with the theory of parallel universes. You would imagine an hour long video about parallel universes and quantum mechanics would be boring but this thing blew me away. Not for those aforementioned things but watching this grown man learn more about his father that he never really got to know. It was quite touching if I can use that word and not sound too gay. This guy has been through so much, from finding his father dead at age 19(which I don't want to even imagine how horrible that would be) to his sisters suicide and his mothers death shortly after. He even had a cousin die during the Sept 11th attacks. Just one thing after another but through all that he seems to some how remain upbeat and continues on with his life. He says "All these deaths made me notice that I was still alive......I've been through a lot but I'm OK. And if I want to be I'm better than OK. I mean -- I survived. And I survived just by being me. How lucky and amazing is that?" There isn't much you can add to that. I'm not one that gets down on my self often but inevitably it will happen, and it usually occurs when I am not being true to my self. And everything goes back to normal when I am myself. Now I'm not saying that I put my self first and neglect everyone else cause that isn't me, just saying you got to do what it is that makes you, well you. This looks like it has helped E through some rough times so I think its not too bad of an idea to live by. I'm also not one to let my personal feelings out like this but since I figure that its only my closest friends that read this I'm fine with it. Just don't get used to it cause it won't happen again for a long time, I think its about on the same cycle as Haley's comet, once every 76 years or so.
On a related note I've noticed that the two bands that I listen most often lately are The Eels and The Beatles. Not coincidentally these two bands are ones that I have spent a lot of time recently learning a lot about their personal lives and the background of their music. This has happened in the past with the likes of Weezer and The Format. Music just is better to me when it comes on a more personal level I guess.
Anyways checkout this video. Its an Eels song put to clips from this documentary. Its really good. And I'll be back soon with something funny. I promise.
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