Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Lazy Scranton

Laziness (also called indolence) is a disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so. This is bad, right? Wrong. Okay, calm down there Mom. I know that I won't get anywhere in life with that attitude......or will I?

So here is the deal, or the rundown as I like to put it, or the skinny as they sometimes say. We have all been told our whole lives that being lazy is bad. But I don't think that is entirely true. Its like having that one cookie an hour before dinner is really going to ruin our appeitite. Its a parental myth. Now don't get me wrong, some forms of laziness are bad(see Zach while beating DK II). But honestly I think laziness breeds ingenuity(its a real word katelyn and nadia, check it). How so you ask? Here are some examples: Alexander Graham Bell, this dude was was the epitome of lazy. He was like "ugh, I need to talk to ol' blacksmith Bill but I don't want to walk the 50 paces to get there, I wish there was a way I could him? Brilliant idea old chap!" Boom, telephone right there. Henry Ford, this guy was always complaining about "having to put all these parts on the car by my self, I just wish there were 50 of us standing in a line and we each put one part on over and over and over" Bam, assembly line. Oh, don't even get me started on Niel "I love to jump but earth's gravity is just way to strong for me to actually enjoy it" Armstrong. Ya, thats right, space flight came from that lazy A-hole.

So as you can see three of the biggest inventions/events in the last 150 years came from three really lazy people. They are remember by us for these contributions, but if you told any of their co-workers at the time they would have done these things they would have said "Who? That lazy bastard?" So don't be too quick to judge, that lazy person just might be working on the next great thing while sitting there doing nothing. And thats just another lazy and possible great life in the day of Thome.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Calender days

So we've all done it. And by it I mean read our horoscopes. It s a fun little paragraph that at end of reading it we all either say "hey, that describes me perfectly" or say "whoops, I just read the wrong month." While they are fun and all I think it should be taken a step further, and by a step further I mean add more letters to it to get your monthly HORRORSCOPE!

12/22 - 1/19: You decide to sit by a nice toasty fire and read a nice toasty book about toast. The perfect evening you think. It is, until a nice toasty ember sparks out of the fireplace and sets the living room on fire. Now you are having second thoughts about decking the halls with those flammable boughs of holly aren't you.
1/20 -2/18: Ah Febtober, the month of love. Don't you just wish it never had to end, well it won't this year since you are locked up in the county jail after your "girlfriend" convinced you to go streaking with her and that she would be "right behind" you. While you couldn't outrun the cops lets hope you can at least outrun your new friend Bubba.
2/19 - 3/20 March Madness, nope. More like Shear Madness, a play set in a unisex hair salon in Boston. The characters include a flamboyant hairdresser and his flirty yet ditsy assistant, along with a prim and proper uptight older lady and an older man who is a "used antique dealer." Gives me the Kelsey Grammars just thinking about it.
3/21 - 4/19: You go into work one morning and your boss calls you into his office and tells you that you're fired. As you sit there in shock you realize today is April 2nd, and since your boss likes practical jokes you figure he is just pulling an April fools joke a day late. After 45 minutes of you saying "hahahha nice one Chuck" while elbowing your boss in the ribs you are removed by security.
4/20 - 5/20: You've had the effin munchies for 2 weeks now and its not from the medicinal marijuana. I hate to break it to you like this're pregnant.
5/21 - 6/21 : You don't want to know the horrors of forgetting my birthday. Its May 26th you lousy friend, now go buy me a gift!
6/22 - 7/22: While lighting fireworks you somehow light your shorts on fire. Later, while lying in a hospital bed severely burned you think about how your friends not only forgot your birthday but also stood around saluting your shorts and singing "my country tis of thee" while you ran around wildly trying to extinguish your self. You need better friends.
7/23 - 8/22: After being released from the burn ward you decide to lay by the pool and relax. Safe enough right? Well you fall asleep for 6 hours and awake to the rest of you body being severely sunburned and then noticing that some one wrote "(insert name) SUX" in sunscreen. once again, you need better friends.
8/23 - 9/22: Fully recovered from all your burns you decide to head down the the county fair and have some good ol fashioned fun. You decide to get some cotton candy, while there the machine malfunctions and somehow you end up covered in cotton candy. You spend the rest of the day being chased by carnies. They are everywhere, with their little hands grabbing you and and the stench of cabbage overwhelming.
9/23 -10/22: The wonderful smell of fresh air, the birds singing as a gentle breeze slowly moves through the trees as gunshots ring out around you. This really is the perfect day to be outside in the woods except for that it is the first day of hunting season and you are playing your favorite childhood game called deer. You know the one where you spend the day dressed up as a deer. Lets just hope you don't end up like poor uncle mike. He shouldn't have jumped out at that hunter while playing bear.
10/23 - 11/21: While helping clean up after the local spook alley you notice they are just going to throw away the spaghetti they used as brains. You can't have that! After consuming all the brains you don't feel to good. I think that one is going to haunt you for several days.
11/22 - 12/21: After watching Jim Carrey do his version of the Grinch you think hey that's not a bad idea. Well it was. You get busted after the second house that you stole all the toys from and now you get to spend the holidays with your ol' pal Bubba.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Hot Shots Part Duex

Interactive Tuesday is back! um, on Monday though. Well today's poll is who is funnier? English Tom Widdison or American Tom Widdison. I will give you some examples from facebook. Please vote.
In this Corner, in the blue trunks, weighing in at 190 pounds, ENLGISH TOM WIDDISON!

Tom Widdison Is going to buy one of those big anvils made by ACME and wait at the top of a cliff to drop it on someones head
Tom Widdison Is fookin tired
Tom Widdison Take 2 bottles into the shower?? not me I use 1 and I've washed and gone!!!!
Tom Widdison Wishes the insulin boy would shut his fookin grid
Tom Widdison Had a dream last night that England were winning 2.0 with 80 mins on the clock but then the dream switched to fluffy poodles
Tom Widdison Will never get bored of laughing at cars driving with dogs sticking out the window...
Tom Widdison Is in bed with jon wilson fully clothed listening to stevie wonder
Tom Widdison Is wondering why the resident diabetic has the tv on so loud?
Tom Widdison Is in the bath Naked

And in the other corner, in the red trunks, weighing in at 150 pounds wet, the prince of pain, the ale of destruction, AMERICAN TOOOOOOM WIDDISON!
well, uh. you know...... um COME ON! Give me the benefit of the doubt, you know me! I'M FUNNY!