Why I am still single.

I have figured out why I am still single. Its cause I would rather try a do something funny as opposed to put in an effort in dating. Here is an example:
I want to be on a date and then during the date I want a person to drive up and get out and start dragging me towards the car and throw me in the trunk. Then speed off. Then not see or talk to her for three to four days and then show up at her house with my clothes all torn and express my deep regret for not calling her sooner because I was a little "tied up"
As you could imagine a second date probably wouldn't happen but I would be fine with this cause it would be sooooo funny. And I'm sure the cops would have a chuckle or two over it as well. And really isn't that what its all about. Bringing joy into the hearts of cops everywhere. And that's another single day in the life of Thome!

Staples? Ya we got that!

You ever do something that is really random and end up immediately regretting it? No I'm not talking about Brenda from 4C. I'm talking about reaching for a box of staples even though you don't need said staples and as soon as you touch the box it explodes. Sending 5000 staples in every direction. Injuring the orphan kids standing near by that had stopped by to see the inner workings of a car dealership(poor Frankie the farter will probably need a new nickname after being, well stapled shut.) Well that's just what happened to me. I swear. Well all of it except for the orphan kids. Luckily they had left 5 minutes before the staple carnage. But all of this could have been avoided if I just hadn't opened that drawer and thought "OHHHH STAPLES! JACKPOT!" Well if you would excuse me I am going to go straighten out all these staples in my body and go do my best porcupine impression. And by that I mean slowly wandering out into traffic and hoping I make it to the other side. Wish me luck!