Thursday, December 31, 2009

Hey Dude, your phones ringing

So seeing that it is indeed new years eve I have heard the phrase "ringing in the new year" several times already. What does that mean? Seriously. Are we talking like ringing like a bell? I mean maybe in the olden days that's how they celebrated the new year by ringing bells. But even if I was living back then and that's all we did was ring bells for new years and somebody came up and said "Thomas old chum, how might thee be ringing in the new year?" I would have to look at him and say with a bell you moron. How else would I "ring" in the new year? With party streamers and noise makers? Come on! So that can't be it, plus its not like I ever heard anyone in elementary school ask how I was "ringing" in recess. And that bell ringing is how we knew it was recess. Trust me that bell was a bell of celebration.
But at last it is not the olden days. I think we need to put a modern spin on things. Maybe change it to how are you texting in the new year? you know, phones ring but no one calls anymore they text. That could work. Or and this one will take some work to make it happen but maybe how are you hanginover the new year? Maybe instead of words we can just make a noise. Like how are you (insert your best attempt to make one of those party noise makers noise here) the new year?
There are a lot possibilities out there but I really think this whole ringing thing has to stop. Its giving me a headache. What are some of your ideas for a new saying?

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Doogie Howser M.D.

I am Tom.....some side effects may include:

  • uncontrollable spasms of the diaphragm(laughing)

  • dizziness

  • redness of the face

  • weakened joints particularly the knees

  • cancer

  • expensive gifts

  • general soreness of the joints

  • jealousy

  • toys, particularly in the motorcycle and snowmobile areas

  • constant courtesy laughing

  • embarrassment

  • death

  • inappropriate jokes

  • an overabundance of text messaging

  • carpel tunnel

  • having to eat every two hours

  • a fear of clowns

  • cold leather seats
  • being around for more than 4 hours

  • frustration

  • sports center

  • jury duty

  • a quick dubbya in air hockey

  • a definite knowledge of who Tom Brady is and what he stands for

  • nervousness

  • giddiness

So consult a doctor before using.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Some ice cubes, a 9 iron and a Tiger Woods

As many of you know I am not a fan of the athlete Tiger Woods. Now I am a fan of the golfer Tiger Woods but this is not what I want to discuss right now. What I realized today is that Tiger is only a victim of two things. Taking things too literally and doing what he was told. How so you ask? Well its simple. Someone, most likely his wife or Shooter McGavin told him to "Go get em Tiger." Now we know that this is just a form of encouragement, as into to go out and do your best. Show them what you are made of type of stuff. Well Tiger went out and got them....literally. So really our bad Tiger, we should have known better than to do this to you. So general public, next time you congratulate Tiger Woods just pat him on the back or something. Maybe keep the subject on golf, tell him that the green slopes slightly to the left. Or remind him that its all in the hips, all in the hips.....uh never mind, just stick with the pat on the ol back.