Monday, December 29, 2008

The Idaho two step

I almost died today. I walked out of the oil room at work which is located on the north side of the building with the door going outside. I guess I shut the door too hard cause all the built up ice came sliding off the roof. Several chunks of ice that were three feet long by two feet wide fell the 15 feet or so to the ground. If I had taken a step farther it would have ended up on my head. That was close. Anyways I won't go into what happened with the ninjas today, it just couldn't top this.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Life lessons learned from the Simpsons.

Beer-the cause and solution to all of life's problems
The importance of obeying the laws of thermal dynamics
No t.v. and no beer can and will make you crazy, in my case, no mt. dew
When posed with the question of who do you hate more, France or Italy, no one ever picks Italy.
Even though we can see that every other guy is a sucker for a pretty girl, we still do the exact same thing. D'oh!
There is something that just isn't wholesome about flying a kite after dark.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Here's the deal, If you are a sports team and you have an undefeated season going for you, you don't want me as a fan. Twice this year while I was fishing, I mean twice this year teams that I am fans of lost their last game after winning all their previous games. The Patriots went 18-0 and then lost in the game that we do not speak of. Tonight Boise st. lost to TCU. I guess that means that I am going to have to forsake my affiliations with these teams so they have a chance in future seasons. I am now an official Dallas Cowboys fan. They all ready choke no matter what the situation is so I don't think my becoming a fan will hurt them at all. Unless its like math and two negative make a positive and then they become a clutch team. Lets hope that doesn't happen cause I really hate the Cowboys.

Monday, December 22, 2008


So we have a good ol fashioned snownami on our hands tonight. The tale that I am about to relate tonight might not be suitable for all ages. And now I present to you "Last minute Christmas shopping and the SNOWNAMI!"
Well it all started on December 22nd, the perfect day to start and end all of your Christmas shopping. Well the weather ad been bad all day and was only getting worse. So when I get off work I made a decision to still go ahead and go to Idaho Falls. The drive down was pretty bad but nothing I couldn't handle so I figured that I had made the right choice. So get to z mall and start walking in. Now I hate shopping. I really hate shopping. I don't know why either. But I get what you could almost describe as an anxiety attack. Now I don't freak out and start crying in the fetal position in the canned good aisle but its close. In the parking lot I'm cool, but as soon as I step foot in a store I immediately want to get out of there. When I know what I need its not so bad but on nights like tonight where I had to actually shop, its bad. So as soon as I walk in my immediate goal is to get stuff and leave. I try and not make eye contact with anyone cause I feel like I will have to explain why I am there and I don't know. Also if an employee comes up to see if I need help my first instinct is to kick them in the teeth but usually I hold back and just say no thanks. I head to Sears to get something manly for my pops, I still am nervous about being there but as soon as I get into the tool section I'm fine. No prob at all. So I wander around the tools for a while and find something for my Dad but then I have to leave the tool section to get to the checkout. Its twenty feet away, I come up with an escape plan in my head if I encounter a problem. I mill around for another minute and then make a break for it. I pay and then go to leave the store. Is it just me or is it a freaking maze to get out of these places. One time we got lost in a mall in Vegas and we asked someone how to get out and she responded "just go out and turn left" oh thanks lady, why didn't I think of that. So I go straight out and turn left and I'm out of sears. Now I gots to get something for Mom. I asked her what she wanted and she said "just get me a book" Oh thanks Mom, pick one of the few things I know nothing about. So now I am in Barnes & Noble, and I am completely lost. I wander around for a few minutes and by now I am sweating. I swear its a 100 degrees in there. I can tell that everyone that looks at me in this store knows that I am a fraud and am just pretending like I read "books". Every once and awhile I wander back over to the sports section to calm my self down and get collected. Finally I decide on a book and go to pay for it. The whole time I am waiting in line I am just praying the clerk doesn't ask me any questions. If she does, I'll just kick her in the teeth and make a break for it. I get up there and she asks "is this all?" I raise my foot to kick her in the teeth but then I realize "hey, I can answer this" so I say "maybe" damn, I really screwed that up all I had to say in "no" but no I have to go and leave it open for discussion. luckily she just smiles and puts it in a bag and I sprint for the door. At the door I stop, fix my tie(that I'm not wearing) and then strut into the parking lot. Oh and I also bought one of those digital picture frames and am going to fill it up with pictures of me for my parents, kinda like a shrine to myself, don't worry, most of you will be on their so consider yourself lucky to be in my shrine at Widdison Manor.
Now with that out of the way I start my drive home. Hit road is terrible, its almost drifted over. I get on the highway and my top speed is about 45 mph. At some points it is so bad that I can see maybe 10 to 15 feet in front of my truck. Close to Rexburg I am following a cop and and we both try to get off at the south Rexburg exit but it is so bad we both miss it cause we can't even see it, even though we are doing 20 mph, he then runs off the road at the top of the overpass and I almost followed him off, but he is able to back out and then we make it off the next exit. I've driven in a lot of bad weather but this was by far the worst I have ever driven in. SNOWNAMI 08 is even so bad that Ford and I can't even open our fridge!
Well anyways the moral of this story is how good of son I am I braved SNOWNAMI and Christmas shoppers to get gifts for my parents. I could have died several times tonight but alas I did not. But I could have. And that's why I am the favorite son.
The End.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

I'd rob a kwik-e-mart for you.

So I've spent alot of time by myself today which so I've had a lot of thoughts running through my head and with no one around to randomly share them with I will do so in blog form.

I'm not cutting my hair until the snow is gone. A couple buddies and I did this once and I had to cut mine early cause I was doing my mission papers and had look all presentable like so I feel like I cheated my self out of something special. My hair is already kinda long so I'm sure by mid march or so I'm going be really shaggy. Unkempt, if you will. Ya see here is the thing, I have really curly hair and when it gets long it is completely out of control. Like Lyndsie Lohan on a crack binge out of control. I know topside! But I'm going to give it a shot. Shoot, maybe at the end of winter I'll cut it into a mullet for a while.

I just found out that I don't know how to work our heater. Eff you heater.

I think I need a new job. It just isn't working anymore. Here is my dilemma, technically I like my job. I like what I do, I am basically in control of what I do all day. Even though most of the people I work with are ignorant a-holes I actually do like them. I make good money for being in eastern Idaho and being only 25 and not a college graduate(but I am done with school). So my question is why do I not enjoy being at work anymore. Honestly I ask myself this everyday and I don't have a good answer. All I know is that I'm not happy with myself while I am there. The only thing I can think of is that I can't really be myself at work. I like to think that I am a pretty laid back and chill person that above everything else I just like to joke around and have fun. Work can be a pretty stressful environment and I end up being uptight and kind of a dick and I don't like being that way. Also I think I'm burned out, I spent a year working out of mobile trailers and storage units cause our dealership burned down and it just wore me out mentally. I don't think I've recovered from that. Welp, I'm done ranting about that
I think I figured out the heater cause it is somewhat warm in here. So sorry for the outburst early.
Even though there is no one to hear all my witty comments they are still freaking funny. But I don't get as much enjoyment out of them. Don't get me wrong, I still laugh cause come on, it was funny. But it would just be better if other people heard them too, really I think the world is being deprived of laughter and somewhere babies are dying because of it.

I've been listening to a lot of Limbeck lately. Seriously could these guys be any cooler. The last two times I have seen them I think I enjoyed listening to them talk in between songs just as much as the songs them selves. Their music is awesome also. I've listened to Limbeck for a couple years now, when I first heard of them I listened to the one cd of theirs I had constantly. I'm doing the same now. For some reason its just what I need to listen to. But back to them being cool, just watch this and you will know that they are awesome. I know with every fiber of my being, jk but seriously. Bored in a hotel in Cleveland at 2 in the morning? Snoworries.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Mom's know best....

Growing up my mom always told me I was special. Here is a good example of why. I just returned from a simple drive around the formally populated town of Rexburg. I went to the bank, stopped by the icy church parking lot(for strictly secular reasons) drove over and through a couple piles of snow and then was headed to the Tom Cruise. Well as I was driving I could feel that somehow I had gotten my shoelace inside my shoe and it was starting to annoy me. So I reached down and tried to pull it out. Turns out the whole loop was in my shoe and by pulling on it it had grabbed a hold of my little toe and had tried to bend it backwards. This was a little bit uncomfortable as you can imagine so I pulled off my shoe to relieve this pain. So here comes the special part. I try and put my shoe back on but it requires my right hands assistance. Without thinking I put my arm through the steering wheel to do this while I steer with my left hand. And since I have been putting on my own shoes for close to 23 years now I accomplished this feat rather easy. But then I try to bring my arm back through the steering wheel but it doesn't come back out quite as easily as it went through. Somehow I can't quite figure out how I need to bend my elbow as to allow my arm to come out, keep in mind I am still driving at this point. To make a long story short it took me about a block to finally get my arm out of the steering wheel. I'm glad this happened, in fact the only thing that I wish was different was that this happened in rush hour traffic. I can just imagine this happening and me struggling to get my arm out when I look over at the car next to me and the passengers are just staring at me, mouths open, head slightly cocked to the left. That's when you smile, nod your head with a little wave and if you happen to be at a complete stop roll down your window and say "pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" And this was another life in the day of Thome!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Duck Tales

So my good friend Shannee reminded me of a funny experience I had a couple years ago. It was a summer day in 2006. Hawaiian Steve, Harry Steve, Jumangi and I are were out driving around looking for apartments since we had to be out of ours the next day. So of course this was the first time we spent looking for one. We had embarked a couple hours earlier on our quest for living arrangements but had wasted time as usual. We made the usual stops at Horkleys, a eating establishment and were on our way to our FHE sisters apartment to waste some more time. So as we are driving down first west towards the stadium we see this duck run across the road. We all look at each other for a split second and then realize what it is we have to do. Capture this duck and make it our pet. We quickly pull over and by this time the duck is in the parking lot of the stadium. The Steve's and Jumangi quickly surround it but the duck lunges at Hawaiian Steve and he leaps out of the way to protect himself. Before I know it its just me and this crazed duck. I step in front of him but he hits the X button on his X-Box controller and spins away from me. Now he is running under all the parked cars on the side of the street. I run ahead hoping to cut him off. I turn thinking I am far enough ahead of him but we bump into each other. He heads for the street. During this whole chase the only thought in my head is "I'm going to have a pet duck! I am going to have a pet duck!" I can tell by the look in his eyes that all he is thinking is "I'm going to be a pet duck! I am going to be a pet duck!" He runs into traffic, I know what will happen. I yell for him to stop but he doesn't understand me since I don't speak French. The car's front tire misses him but the rear tire hits its mark. The sound of this can only be described as a pillow full of feathers and pretzels getting smashed. We all freeze and look at each other. A possible three seconds pass before we all bust into uncontrolled laughter. That just happened.
A week passed and we skated past the scene. All that was left were feathers ground into the pavement. We couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible, but hey if he would have come peacefully it could have been avoided. And that was a day in the life of Thome, circa 2006

Monday, December 1, 2008

Wayne's Wild World of College Football

The Oklahoma-Texas debate has been keeping me up lately. Don't get me wrong, if asked who I thought was the best team in the country I would say Oklahoma hands down or up. When you can hang 60 points on pretty much all of the big 12 this year you've made a great case to be called that. But Texas makes a great point also. They did beat Oklahoma at a neutral site. The score of that game doesn't matter, only that Texas did in fact win that game. So what they are saying is "how can Oklahoma be playing for the national championship and not us when we beat them?" Good question. BUT then you have Texas Tech saying if you use that logic then we should be playing for the NC cause we beat Texas. Its madness I tell you , madness. Here is what I think should be done....A Kansas City Playoff!
Kansas City Playoffs? Kansas City Playoffs? Yes I am talking about a Kansas City playoff Jim Mora. Here's the deal, First, bring the three teams in to a neutral site, then it works like overtime in college. Each team gets the ball at the 25 yard line and given a chance to score. The game goes until one team can't match the others score. Since there is three teams it would only be fair if it was double elimination. The winner then is your big 12 south champion and goes to the big 12 championship and possibly the NC. This is fair to all involved since all three have high scoring offense that have no trouble scoring and match up quite well. Of course this won't happen but it should. This isn't even a flaw with the BCS, its a flaw with the Big 12 that should have some sort of rule in place in case of a three way tie like we have instead of relying on the BCS standings to break it. So for once we can't blame the BCS.
BUT we can blame the BCS for what is most likely going to happen to Boise st. And blame we will. Boise st. is going to be punished for something that is out of their hands really. They can't control what teams are in their conference or how well the teams that they play out of their conference play year to year(keep in mind a year ago a win over Dennis Dixon and his Oregon team would look really good on their resume) they can only play the teams on their schedule. So they have done that and looked really good doing it but because they are in the WAC they most likely will be left out of the BCS bowls this year while 2 loss Ohio state will most likely get a bowl bid. Which is a shame cause I think this team is more balanced than the one two years ago that beat Oklahoma. And we all know how well Ohio st. does in BCS bowls. But maybe we could make a new bowl game that that fits teams perfectly that are in this position. We'll call it the we got screwed bowl presented by Ace hardware. That should provide some sort of comfort.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Pacman Jones

I have had more than the usual amount of lint in my belly button lately. I've always imagined my belly button was like Pacman(tm), it would just sit there and make the Pacman(tm) noise(you know, waggle waggle waggle waggle, ask me and I'll demonstrate for you....hand motions and all) and eat everything in sight, hence why you get lint in your belly button. So with all this extra lint adding up it leaves me with one conclusion. That I'm going to have a lot of shirts with holes in them. Just sayin....

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Irish Spring

A lot of people wonder what I do for work, I usually tell them its something with numbers and leave it at that. Well today you are in luck as I will explain more in depth of what I do here.
I work at Rigby Chevrolet in the parts department(with numbers). I look up parts and purchase them and arrange their travel to our shop and also in charge of disposal of the trolls. Yep, that's right trolls. If you are not familiar with how cars work you wouldn't understand this but inside every engine and transmission there are miniature trolls that actually work inside of them and that's what makes them go. "Well Thome" you ask "Why do we need gasoline then?" That's because they are miniature Irish trolls silly.
Anyways, when we replace an engine or transmission we have to dispose of said trolls which is not as easy as it sounds. They come out of there all punch drunk off of high octane gasoline, spitting, cussing, and urinating everywhere. It can be a real mess. I would like to relate a story of trying to capture one such troll yesterday.
I had just finished listening to Patrick's(from Limbeck) radio show on which he had a live set from Steel Train that he had recorded in his garage(said with an English accent). When one of our techs came in and told me he needed and engine. "Of course! No problem" I sighed to my self and proceeded to put on my troll handling gloves and goggles. Then as we went in the shop we saw our worst fear. The trolls had escaped and were running amok in the shop! We had to act quickly for they were attacking the bearded unicorns on a nearby corvette. But they saw us coming and took off towards the oil drums. Now this was cause for panic. If you ever seen gremlins, you will know that if you feed him after midnight you ended up with these nasty green monsters(gremlins) everywhere. Well its basically the same concept if these guys drink any pure 10w30 before happy hour. I grabbed my salad tongs from my back pocket and decided to try and head them off which was actually pretty easy considering they are 2 inches tall and aren't very fast. I caught the lead one and threw him into the near by vat of battery acid. We then hearded the rest into the back where we fed them to the stray cats that hang around. This near disaster had been avoided. And so ends another life in the day of Thome.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sack Dance

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.' - Jack Handey.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Blackout Party

As seasoned readers will know Ford and I live in the projects in D-town Rexburg. Out apt. is quite ghetto but what do you expect from the projects? Pools? White picket fences? Heat? Come on be real.
Ok so check this, last night this is what we had on that was using the the electricity. Two lights, one computer, and a set of speakers that were on but no music playing. So you would think that there isn't a huge strain on the power grid right? Wrong. I go to plug in a t.v.(that is not on so is not pulling any power) and as soon as I plug it in the outlet the lights flicker and then we are standing in darkness. No breakers popped oh and the bathroom lights still work. 15 minutes later they decide to come back on. I guess our apartment just had a mental breakdown and just needed a timeout. Ya, our apartment is cool like that, don't be jealous.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

What I learned this election season......

So after months and months of hearing about votes and propositions and all the ins, outs and what have yous I think I finally can say that I have found some peace with the BSC. Pete Carroll said it best while wearing a hoodie and riding a surfboard this morning in his news conference "Hey man, every game is a playoff"
That has been in my head all day long and realized that he is right. Sure we would all like to see a playoff system in college football that we could market like march madness(tm) but really its not feasible. Sure Watching Ohio St. get utterly destroyed the last two years in the championship game as made me wish I had a "real life" and hadn't shunned all those female advances during the season but would it have made a difference if we had a playoff system? Yes, but that's beside the point. Even in leagues that have playoff systems the championship game is lopsided quite often.
So if you look at every game as a playoff it means so much more than just a game. It gets your players to play hard every game. They learn to focus and never let up or else they very well could be out of the "playoffs". These student athletes learn so much from this stressful atmosphere that they can take with them for the rest of their lives. And isn't that what college football is all about? Teaching these "kids" life lessons. Yes, Yes it is. So thank you BCS for helping make our countries future better and brighter. My hats off to you good sir.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Thats all folks!

First of all I would like to apologize to everyone I came in contact with yesterday. For no specific reason other than I would like to just say sorry.

Now that THATS out of the way, I would like to state that I wish real life was like a cartoon. Not the crappy ones that kids watch today, but the classics. Like Tom and Jerry. Here's the deal, (using Tom and Jerry as the example) Tom chases Jerry non stop, he throws everything he has at him. He tries to hit him with frying pans, hammers, anvils, even a double barrel shotgun. Each time it backfires and every item gets used on him. I once saw him stick his fingers in both barrels of the shotgun and Jerry pulled the trigger! In real life you could say bye bye to your paw but not Tom. Nope, his fingers just swelled up and became big red throbbing appendages! Tom eats a tweety bird....OH NO! Right? Wrong, the tweety bird walks up into his head behind his eyes and rolls up his eyeball like a window and walks out, and THEN shuts his eye behind him.

I was able to pull three valuable life lessons from Tom and Jerry while I was watching it today.

1. First off, if the "real" world were like this cartoon, we wouldn't have murder, sickness or even Michael Vick in prison. Why you ask? Well as stated above no one gets seriously harmed by anything. Sure, someone might get eatin here or there or fall several stories or get electrocuted but there is no serious injuries. Plus no one is ever in a bad mood for long cause at the end everyone is happy and laughing at what just happened. Also we wouldn't have any animal haters cause with all these funny cats and dogs running around talking, playing pranks on each other and playing guitar no one could hate them.(also dog fighting wouldn't be bad cause they couldn't get hurt, it would just be like the three stooges.....except dogs.)

2. After re watching this i realize where my feeling of invincibility comes from. I really feel like i could get hit by a train and then be alright.

3. Animals are funny too. Seriously, I think just cause we own them doesn't mean that they don't have a sense of humor. In fact I am saddened because of this. Shoot, I bet my cat would be awesome to just sit on the couch and watch football with. I'm sure he would have all sorts of funny things to say. I bet it would be a lot like watching football with Steve.

Side notes:
I often wonder where Tom would get all those objects and how Jerry made that little bed of his.
Also one episode there was a cat with a Spanish accent chasing a Spanish mouse. Does that make them Tomas and Jorge?
And so ends another life in the day of Thome!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Then Phantom Menace

So I've been having a lot of pain in my left knee for some reason this week.I've had three surgeries on it already and every once and a while it aches. Sure I have been hiking and played a little football but this time it seemed a little different. Kinda like it I wasn't the one experiencing it, you know like a phantom pain. Like if you lost a finger but you could still feel it. But I finally figured it out. Tom Brady had had a second surgery on his left knee this week, hence the pain i felt. Go figure, I guess Tom Brady and I are connected at the knee

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The food alone is worth the trip!

Man I hate getting up early, especially when you only went to sleep a few hours before. But it was for a good cause. We decided to go to our friend nick's farewell in Bozeman,MT. The weather didn't really think it was a good idea though. We made it to West Yellowstone(its south of north yellowstone) and the roads were just terrible so we decided to turn back. But of course we stopped for breakfast at this little place called "the running bear pancake house and something about dinner...." oh i remember the sign said dinners, probaly to avoid panic with the local folk thinking the had to rush there to get the one dinner that they served everyday. Anyways it was way good, i got the daggum biscuts and gravy. Wayne got the band aid flavored chocolate milk and a side of hash browns to go with his hash browns. Then we ate, made fun of Jamie for a while and then headed back. Everybody slept the whole way back, and by everyone i mean everyone. I was driving but i caught a few minutes of sleep thanks to my good ol buddy cruise control. Really its like auto pilot for cars, you can turn it on and then walk back and talk to all the passengers, hit on the stewardess and then walk back up and everything is still A-OK cause Mr. Autopilt had your back.

Anyhoo i that was about all i did today, oh watched football most of the day. OH and I wore my church clothes all day. Thats a first for a long long time.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

the projects

So i've had a couple of interesting lifes since the last post. On saturlife we went to the eastern idaho state fair. Talk about some interesting people. There was this one chick that at first I thought her arm was in a sling for some sort of injury. nope, turns out she was just dressed really slutty. go figure. Then came HYPNODAWG! His accent was cool but i saw right through his shenanigins. At one point he convinces the people he hypnotized that they couldn't see him and that there were ghosts on stage. He then walks around with a rubber chicken as if it is floating around and they all get scared. Give me a break. Its all smoke and mirrors if you will. I've done this trick to my nephews hundreds of times. First you hold out the chicken, make some dumb noise(either a woooooh noise or you talk like a priate) and then while they are looking at the chicken you slap them in the face real hard! makes them cry everytime.
Sunday was the opening day of the NFL season. Usually i go to bed that night all warm and fuzzy but this year was different. I cried myself to sleep over Tom Brady. What can I say that sucked. but I'm still excited for the season and fantasy football 08. I did make a bonehead move not starting Mcnabb but i gave everyone a freebie and now will start beating them like the little girls they are and enjoy watching them cry about it. And if that doesn't happen I'll pull out the ol rubber chicken trick. Either way they will cry.
Also Ford and I have decided to move into the projects of rexburg. It is straight up d-town r-burg man. while were looking at the apartment we heard gunshots. no joke! But it was probaly just the thai people downstairs killing animals for their resturant. what ev. tune in next time for another life in the day of thome!

Thursday, September 4, 2008


Oh hello, I didn't see you sitting there. I know what you are thinking, Thome you switched the words life and day...silly you. Nay I say! I believe that in every day you have a life. let me tell you about my "life" today:
I woke up, something I do just about everyday. I am supposed to be at work at 8:30 so thats when i wake up. I mill around for a while trying to find my keys cause who knows where i put them the night before. Then i drive to work, it takes about 15 minutes. So by this time its about 10 to 9. every few days my boss reminds me that I should be here on time and I usually say "okay, tomorrow i will be" Now thats not a blatent lie cause until tomorrow at 8:30 i fully intend on coming early but whatev. work was somewhat slow but thats fine cause I entertain my self with my little war with the mice that have overrun our building. Let me tell you , they are crafty little bastards. But I'm winning. I've only had the trap go off and get my fingers once so in your face mice.
After Work I went hunting with my buddy asian ryan(kind of mean of his parents to name him that huh?) That was a nice getaway, I always love being up in the forest. I wish i could spend more time up there. Then later we(Quinn, SAc and I) went and saw Harper. We listened as she told us the stories of how she defeated Thom York and his merry fairies in the mythical land of THE FRANSISCO'S. good times. Then I went to sleep(something I do more often than wake up) and thus ended another life in the day of Thome!