Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Pacman Jones

I have had more than the usual amount of lint in my belly button lately. I've always imagined my belly button was like Pacman(tm), it would just sit there and make the Pacman(tm) noise(you know, waggle waggle waggle waggle, ask me and I'll demonstrate for you....hand motions and all) and eat everything in sight, hence why you get lint in your belly button. So with all this extra lint adding up it leaves me with one conclusion. That I'm going to have a lot of shirts with holes in them. Just sayin....

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Irish Spring

A lot of people wonder what I do for work, I usually tell them its something with numbers and leave it at that. Well today you are in luck as I will explain more in depth of what I do here.
I work at Rigby Chevrolet in the parts department(with numbers). I look up parts and purchase them and arrange their travel to our shop and also in charge of disposal of the trolls. Yep, that's right trolls. If you are not familiar with how cars work you wouldn't understand this but inside every engine and transmission there are miniature trolls that actually work inside of them and that's what makes them go. "Well Thome" you ask "Why do we need gasoline then?" That's because they are miniature Irish trolls silly.
Anyways, when we replace an engine or transmission we have to dispose of said trolls which is not as easy as it sounds. They come out of there all punch drunk off of high octane gasoline, spitting, cussing, and urinating everywhere. It can be a real mess. I would like to relate a story of trying to capture one such troll yesterday.
I had just finished listening to Patrick's(from Limbeck) radio show on which he had a live set from Steel Train that he had recorded in his garage(said with an English accent). When one of our techs came in and told me he needed and engine. "Of course! No problem" I sighed to my self and proceeded to put on my troll handling gloves and goggles. Then as we went in the shop we saw our worst fear. The trolls had escaped and were running amok in the shop! We had to act quickly for they were attacking the bearded unicorns on a nearby corvette. But they saw us coming and took off towards the oil drums. Now this was cause for panic. If you ever seen gremlins, you will know that if you feed him after midnight you ended up with these nasty green monsters(gremlins) everywhere. Well its basically the same concept if these guys drink any pure 10w30 before happy hour. I grabbed my salad tongs from my back pocket and decided to try and head them off which was actually pretty easy considering they are 2 inches tall and aren't very fast. I caught the lead one and threw him into the near by vat of battery acid. We then hearded the rest into the back where we fed them to the stray cats that hang around. This near disaster had been avoided. And so ends another life in the day of Thome.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sack Dance

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.' - Jack Handey.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Blackout Party

As seasoned readers will know Ford and I live in the projects in D-town Rexburg. Out apt. is quite ghetto but what do you expect from the projects? Pools? White picket fences? Heat? Come on be real.
Ok so check this, last night this is what we had on that was using the the electricity. Two lights, one computer, and a set of speakers that were on but no music playing. So you would think that there isn't a huge strain on the power grid right? Wrong. I go to plug in a t.v.(that is not on so is not pulling any power) and as soon as I plug it in the outlet the lights flicker and then we are standing in darkness. No breakers popped oh and the bathroom lights still work. 15 minutes later they decide to come back on. I guess our apartment just had a mental breakdown and just needed a timeout. Ya, our apartment is cool like that, don't be jealous.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

What I learned this election season......

So after months and months of hearing about votes and propositions and all the ins, outs and what have yous I think I finally can say that I have found some peace with the BSC. Pete Carroll said it best while wearing a hoodie and riding a surfboard this morning in his news conference "Hey man, every game is a playoff"
That has been in my head all day long and realized that he is right. Sure we would all like to see a playoff system in college football that we could market like march madness(tm) but really its not feasible. Sure Watching Ohio St. get utterly destroyed the last two years in the championship game as made me wish I had a "real life" and hadn't shunned all those female advances during the season but would it have made a difference if we had a playoff system? Yes, but that's beside the point. Even in leagues that have playoff systems the championship game is lopsided quite often.
So if you look at every game as a playoff it means so much more than just a game. It gets your players to play hard every game. They learn to focus and never let up or else they very well could be out of the "playoffs". These student athletes learn so much from this stressful atmosphere that they can take with them for the rest of their lives. And isn't that what college football is all about? Teaching these "kids" life lessons. Yes, Yes it is. So thank you BCS for helping make our countries future better and brighter. My hats off to you good sir.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Thats all folks!

First of all I would like to apologize to everyone I came in contact with yesterday. For no specific reason other than I would like to just say sorry.

Now that THATS out of the way, I would like to state that I wish real life was like a cartoon. Not the crappy ones that kids watch today, but the classics. Like Tom and Jerry. Here's the deal, (using Tom and Jerry as the example) Tom chases Jerry non stop, he throws everything he has at him. He tries to hit him with frying pans, hammers, anvils, even a double barrel shotgun. Each time it backfires and every item gets used on him. I once saw him stick his fingers in both barrels of the shotgun and Jerry pulled the trigger! In real life you could say bye bye to your paw but not Tom. Nope, his fingers just swelled up and became big red throbbing appendages! Tom eats a tweety bird....OH NO! Right? Wrong, the tweety bird walks up into his head behind his eyes and rolls up his eyeball like a window and walks out, and THEN shuts his eye behind him.

I was able to pull three valuable life lessons from Tom and Jerry while I was watching it today.

1. First off, if the "real" world were like this cartoon, we wouldn't have murder, sickness or even Michael Vick in prison. Why you ask? Well as stated above no one gets seriously harmed by anything. Sure, someone might get eatin here or there or fall several stories or get electrocuted but there is no serious injuries. Plus no one is ever in a bad mood for long cause at the end everyone is happy and laughing at what just happened. Also we wouldn't have any animal haters cause with all these funny cats and dogs running around talking, playing pranks on each other and playing guitar no one could hate them.(also dog fighting wouldn't be bad cause they couldn't get hurt, it would just be like the three stooges.....except dogs.)

2. After re watching this i realize where my feeling of invincibility comes from. I really feel like i could get hit by a train and then be alright.

3. Animals are funny too. Seriously, I think just cause we own them doesn't mean that they don't have a sense of humor. In fact I am saddened because of this. Shoot, I bet my cat would be awesome to just sit on the couch and watch football with. I'm sure he would have all sorts of funny things to say. I bet it would be a lot like watching football with Steve.

Side notes:
I often wonder where Tom would get all those objects and how Jerry made that little bed of his.
Also one episode there was a cat with a Spanish accent chasing a Spanish mouse. Does that make them Tomas and Jorge?
And so ends another life in the day of Thome!