Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Irish Spring

A lot of people wonder what I do for work, I usually tell them its something with numbers and leave it at that. Well today you are in luck as I will explain more in depth of what I do here.
I work at Rigby Chevrolet in the parts department(with numbers). I look up parts and purchase them and arrange their travel to our shop and also in charge of disposal of the trolls. Yep, that's right trolls. If you are not familiar with how cars work you wouldn't understand this but inside every engine and transmission there are miniature trolls that actually work inside of them and that's what makes them go. "Well Thome" you ask "Why do we need gasoline then?" That's because they are miniature Irish trolls silly.
Anyways, when we replace an engine or transmission we have to dispose of said trolls which is not as easy as it sounds. They come out of there all punch drunk off of high octane gasoline, spitting, cussing, and urinating everywhere. It can be a real mess. I would like to relate a story of trying to capture one such troll yesterday.
I had just finished listening to Patrick's(from Limbeck) radio show on which he had a live set from Steel Train that he had recorded in his garage(said with an English accent). When one of our techs came in and told me he needed and engine. "Of course! No problem" I sighed to my self and proceeded to put on my troll handling gloves and goggles. Then as we went in the shop we saw our worst fear. The trolls had escaped and were running amok in the shop! We had to act quickly for they were attacking the bearded unicorns on a nearby corvette. But they saw us coming and took off towards the oil drums. Now this was cause for panic. If you ever seen gremlins, you will know that if you feed him after midnight you ended up with these nasty green monsters(gremlins) everywhere. Well its basically the same concept if these guys drink any pure 10w30 before happy hour. I grabbed my salad tongs from my back pocket and decided to try and head them off which was actually pretty easy considering they are 2 inches tall and aren't very fast. I caught the lead one and threw him into the near by vat of battery acid. We then hearded the rest into the back where we fed them to the stray cats that hang around. This near disaster had been avoided. And so ends another life in the day of Thome.


benkeamy said...

Corvettes have bearded unicorns inside them?
Unicorns don't have beards, Tom.

Thome said...

No Amy, the bearded unicorns are what run the windshield wipers on most cars. And the most certainly have beards

Q. Patrick Merrill said...

that's where they get the term "horsepower" from right? i'm pretty sure i have like 100 unicorns running my windshield wipers.

B Gibby said...

This explains so much. Every time I would stop by the parts dept there, I would hear these snarls and squeals coming from the shop area. I always thought it was probably some diseased shop cat, but now I know it was trolls being thrown into vats of battery acid. Makes a lot more sense really.

Shannee Christiansen said...

I would believe that story except for the salad tongs in your pocket. anyone who knows you knows you don't eat salad. and where are the leprachauns? they help too you know.

Thome said...

leprachauns are lazy, drunken idiots that do nothing but collect welfare. Also everyone knows you don't have thats why I don't eat salad is cause I use my tongs for this.