Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Dumb and Dumber Fight Club

Was anyone afraid of spiders before the movie Arachnophobia or was this the start of all the hate mongering? I mean sure I hate Hobo spiders. But who doesn't hate a spider that won't get a job and would rather be homeless wandering around asking for spare change and holding signs that say "will build webs for food" but then they blow the money on booze and insects. That just ain't right.
Anyways, I was just thinking this as I watched a spider wander around my apartment for a minute before I engaged him in an epic battle. As he explored I watched from afar. Plotting when and how I would attack. He was unsuspecting. He ran across the TV stand. He climbed over the fruit loop that has been there for over a year and now really ties the room together. He stopped and waved a few of his legs around to which I likened to a human singing Justin Bieber into the bathroom mirror and not knowing someone was watching. It was cute. That's when I decided I needed to act. Since I was barefoot I decided to go with the "smash with tissue and flush him" action. This has been a proven method and figured it would go with out a hitch. I pounced and got him. As I brought up the tissue he jumped. He landed on his 8 legs just as two cats that were tied together would have and started running. Right at me. He wasn't backing down. This same thing happened twice on the way to the bathroom and finally the calming swirling noise signaled it was over. And that's when I realized I respected the hell out of that tiny little guy. He fought tough and didn't back down. And while we stand for different things I can't help but think that Jeff Daniels' propaganda had somehow led us both down this ugly ugly road that led only to certain death for one of us. Luckily for me, my day has not come but I fought a worthy opponent tonight and hopefully soon we can come to terms that we are not all that different. That at heart, we are both the same, flailing our many appendages in the air and singing "Baby, Baby, Baby, ohhhhh Baby..."