Monday, December 22, 2008


So we have a good ol fashioned snownami on our hands tonight. The tale that I am about to relate tonight might not be suitable for all ages. And now I present to you "Last minute Christmas shopping and the SNOWNAMI!"
Well it all started on December 22nd, the perfect day to start and end all of your Christmas shopping. Well the weather ad been bad all day and was only getting worse. So when I get off work I made a decision to still go ahead and go to Idaho Falls. The drive down was pretty bad but nothing I couldn't handle so I figured that I had made the right choice. So get to z mall and start walking in. Now I hate shopping. I really hate shopping. I don't know why either. But I get what you could almost describe as an anxiety attack. Now I don't freak out and start crying in the fetal position in the canned good aisle but its close. In the parking lot I'm cool, but as soon as I step foot in a store I immediately want to get out of there. When I know what I need its not so bad but on nights like tonight where I had to actually shop, its bad. So as soon as I walk in my immediate goal is to get stuff and leave. I try and not make eye contact with anyone cause I feel like I will have to explain why I am there and I don't know. Also if an employee comes up to see if I need help my first instinct is to kick them in the teeth but usually I hold back and just say no thanks. I head to Sears to get something manly for my pops, I still am nervous about being there but as soon as I get into the tool section I'm fine. No prob at all. So I wander around the tools for a while and find something for my Dad but then I have to leave the tool section to get to the checkout. Its twenty feet away, I come up with an escape plan in my head if I encounter a problem. I mill around for another minute and then make a break for it. I pay and then go to leave the store. Is it just me or is it a freaking maze to get out of these places. One time we got lost in a mall in Vegas and we asked someone how to get out and she responded "just go out and turn left" oh thanks lady, why didn't I think of that. So I go straight out and turn left and I'm out of sears. Now I gots to get something for Mom. I asked her what she wanted and she said "just get me a book" Oh thanks Mom, pick one of the few things I know nothing about. So now I am in Barnes & Noble, and I am completely lost. I wander around for a few minutes and by now I am sweating. I swear its a 100 degrees in there. I can tell that everyone that looks at me in this store knows that I am a fraud and am just pretending like I read "books". Every once and awhile I wander back over to the sports section to calm my self down and get collected. Finally I decide on a book and go to pay for it. The whole time I am waiting in line I am just praying the clerk doesn't ask me any questions. If she does, I'll just kick her in the teeth and make a break for it. I get up there and she asks "is this all?" I raise my foot to kick her in the teeth but then I realize "hey, I can answer this" so I say "maybe" damn, I really screwed that up all I had to say in "no" but no I have to go and leave it open for discussion. luckily she just smiles and puts it in a bag and I sprint for the door. At the door I stop, fix my tie(that I'm not wearing) and then strut into the parking lot. Oh and I also bought one of those digital picture frames and am going to fill it up with pictures of me for my parents, kinda like a shrine to myself, don't worry, most of you will be on their so consider yourself lucky to be in my shrine at Widdison Manor.
Now with that out of the way I start my drive home. Hit road is terrible, its almost drifted over. I get on the highway and my top speed is about 45 mph. At some points it is so bad that I can see maybe 10 to 15 feet in front of my truck. Close to Rexburg I am following a cop and and we both try to get off at the south Rexburg exit but it is so bad we both miss it cause we can't even see it, even though we are doing 20 mph, he then runs off the road at the top of the overpass and I almost followed him off, but he is able to back out and then we make it off the next exit. I've driven in a lot of bad weather but this was by far the worst I have ever driven in. SNOWNAMI 08 is even so bad that Ford and I can't even open our fridge!
Well anyways the moral of this story is how good of son I am I braved SNOWNAMI and Christmas shoppers to get gifts for my parents. I could have died several times tonight but alas I did not. But I could have. And that's why I am the favorite son.
The End.


Amy Doll said...

They don't have a canned good aisle in z mall.

Vickie said...

"At the door I stop, fix my tie(that I'm not wearing) and then strut into the parking lot"


toridickson said...

i am so proud of you tom. you're getting all grown up!

B Gibby said...

Teeth are over rated. You shoulda kicked 'em in. It's actually rather festive cause flying teeth can actually appear as blowing snow. So are you still driving the green beast?

Thome said...

heck ya man, the green beast, green lightning, mean green, the green meanie whatever you want to call it(all of those are names people at work call her) is still running strong and not slowing down. 235k on the original engine. just tuned her up and it pulls great. I can tell its a little weaker from when I bought it but not much, of course that was 100k ago. Do you still have the goat?

Shannee Christiansen said...

suddenly you're not my favorite cause nowhere in that story did i see "so i went in to get shannee's present..." not cool Tom, not cool.